How we recognize that we are avoiding feelings

We all know it - instead of facing something, we would rather avoid it, avoid confrontation or distract ourselves somehow so that we don't think about it. The longer we do this, the further we push the unpleasant feeling into the background. Or at least that's what we think. Because it usually appears again completely suddenly in moments of calm. For example, when we want to go to sleep and the brooding carousel starts, or when we sit at home in the evening and have nothing to do. Maybe also when we react particularly irritable in our relationships. No matter how much we want to suppress them, the unpleasant feelings knock on our door, and in all sorts of different forms. In order for us to listen to them, they have to knock louder and louder - that is, they have to become more and more unpleasant to us: restlessness in the evening may turn into a depressive breakdown, nervousness in groups may turn into pronounced social anxiety.

In our everyday lives, we are often so skilled and experienced at avoiding feelings that we no longer notice that our behavior has exactly one purpose: to avoid feeling this unpleasant feeling. And that is exactly when it can become a problem.

15 typical behaviors to avoid feelings

Below are some typical behaviors and attitudes that may indicate emotional avoidance:

• I can't get out of bed and don't want to start my day

• I often withdraw from others and say less.

• I watch a lot of TV or am constantly on social media channels to keep myself distracted.

• I avoid attracting attention.

• I avoid taking responsibility.

• I complain a lot, but I don't manage to take action.

• I tell myself I can't do something so that I don't try it or be disappointed.

• I feel cut off from my feelings, I just "function".

• I drink alcohol and take drugs to numb my feelings.

• I try to keep others at a distance so that they don't hurt me.

• I don't want to get involved with other people.

• I work a lot or always have to have something to do.

• I don't know the feelings of anger and rage at all.

• I am “always” in a good mood.

• I eat a lot to calm myself down.

• …

What you can do to avoid feelings

Have you noticed one or more of these behaviors in yourself? Take a moment and take a closer look:

1. When does the behavior appear? What happened before?

2. What would happen if you consciously did the opposite of your typical behavior or allowed yourself to feel the opposite?

3. What are you trying to avoid by behaving like this? What feelings are you trying to avoid?

4. What are the advantages and disadvantages of behaving this way?

5. Do you want to change something? And if so, what?

Good luck trying it out!